You Know Daughter is Growing Up....Single Mom Musings (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Grape Ape

When she doesn't want to talk to you while taking a poop. (This ironically ends up posting on her graduation day. I cannot be proud enough that she's about to set off in the world without Mom or anyone holding her hand. She's always been independent & self-reliant; she'll be ok.)

Before starting to write, I wasn't in a good mindset & the title's little nugget of information helped me smile, as I remembered all of the times Daughter would want to have full-on conversations as she sat on the toilet or while I was trying to have five minutes of peace, as I closed myself in the bathroom. I was struggling not to be angry the night I wrote this. (I don't even remember what I was angry about.) So, I am writing to find my calm, lose my anger, and find the happy that I just recently dragged out to the surface. Yes dragged because it took months and months to get out of what I call my dark place. The place that I go to more often than I would like to admit. A place that has only gotten scarily bad twice in about ten years. So, while I struggle with turning my angry heart back into loving, I write.

I think about my goals, how I want to be out of this town, this house, this state. I reminisce on my dream of disappearing and traveling the world. Like in Grammy's words, "When I grow up." I don't feel like I'm wasting my energy any longer. I look forward to seeing Daughter's life unfold as she sets her own course. I ponder on what Daughter is going to do after she graduates. We all have plans, but sometimes, they don't always work out how we had envisioned. I am excited to see how she will leave her mark on this world, even more than she already has. There is not a soul more beautiful than Daughter's & every day, I am proud of the woman that she has grown to be.

I feel grateful for what we DO have, the people in our lives, and everything we've both worked for together, as well as on our own as two individual people. It has always been her & I against the world, but we each need to venture off on our own. I find a surprising calm that I've never had before. I don't think anymore that something is fucking missing because some shithead guy is pissing me off or doesn't want to commit, blah blah blah fucking blah. She has learned through me not to let anyone hold you back, least of all someone who has little potential. At this point, most guys will be holding me back, so I'm done looking for "the one." (Am I ever actually done, though?) Although I'm still pretty sure my soulmate is a cat..... (it's DC because he's a cute little bipolar jerk), I don't dread the unknown....as much & I pray that bravery extends to Daughter during her journey ahead. (Reading through my old blogs, I realize how much I talk about not doing something, or learning my lesson, then I do the same shit over again. Currently, in 2024, I am doing better about sticking to things & not letting people, men especially, hold me back.)

What piece of wisdom do you have for those graduating this year & the years ahead? What do you wish you had known when you were fresh out of high school, learning to live your own life, independent of your parents, teachers, & friends?

And last but sure as hell not least: How can I support YOU? Whether it's reading your blog, sharing your art, listening to your music, or showing off your creativity, how can I help you and your success? Even if I disappear, you'll still feel my presence, and I'll support all of you the best way that I can until the day I die. Which, unfortunately for most of you, probably won't be for a long ass time & you'll be stuck with me. You chose this life!

Thank you for reading and supporting me & Daughter. Remember, when you set out on a new journey, there may be bumps in the road & you may not have any inkling of what is on the other side, but be brave & step forward knowing that you're capable & strong. You can get through anything.

I've got too many cultures to experience, places to discover, people to tell me their stories, art to view, music to jam out to, and smiles to bring to the surface. So, until next time...

🖤💋💨