Find Your Perfect Taco Buddy: A Journey of Tacos & Fun (Revisited)

Flavor of the Day: Dessert Joints Grape Galaxy infused pre-roll (It has a grape smell & a faint grape flavor.)

Music Vibes: Private Parts Halestorm

So, in the past few blog articles, you've read about the psycho, my trauma, & recognizing red flags. Now, I'll have a more positive post on the man I'm manifesting for my healed self over four years later.

One of my all-time favorite movies is Practical Magic. The way that Sally put her words out there & what was meant for her showed up. The love that she deserved was drawn to her by her words. An old friend once told me that the man I am looking for is out there. My blog will be what brings them and keeps them. I sure hope so. I'm constantly torn between still looking for love to giving up altogether. I think the universe is telling me to just let go & let things come as they will, which is hard for someone who always needs a "plan."

Either way, I have my goals, and I'll work towards them all, as I always do, even if they change. It's ok if they do, just never stop hustling. My tarot even says I need to be more open. The fucking universe is screaming for me to let my guard down. I prayed by myself for the first time in forever, asking God for clarity and answers. Begging him to open my eyes to the path he has for me. (In 2024, I'm more spiritual than religious, but I have been uttering these types of prayers a lot lately.)

I want a love that I can pray with and also do tarot with. One that supports me & my spirituality. I want someone with whom I can just be myself and not feel like I need to retreat into my shell. I need someone kind & affectionate. Listening to ALL of the music, going to ALL of the places, someone who gives me ALL of them, not just the good parts. I want to be the only one that somebody sees in a crowd. I crave to be that safe person for someone & the first one they want to tell things to. Travel, fun times, & laughter is an absolute must.

Funny TMI: The main reason I've gotten a lot of writing done this weekend is because of stomach issues keeping me in the bathroom, thanks to my IBS from fibro. Hey, I'll take the inspo where I can get it. Toilet inspired. #fuckfibro

Let's continue. I absolutely fucking hate leaving my favorite place. It's always sad for me to go because I never know if it's the last time. Who knows what can happen between visits, so I cherish that last look, wave, and traditional kisses blown as I drive away from my Grandparents. I've always looked up to their relationship that took years and years to be what the final product I observed & dream of. When I leave, I don't cry, but my body wants to tear up. They have always had undying support for me. I appreciate my support system more than I can ever show. The people reaching out not knowing my situation, the people reaching out who know what I'm going through, even the people who reach out just because they have thought of me. I never ever want anybody to think I am ungrateful for their love and support.

"Where there is rain, there is also cleansing. Remember this when you're trying to protect your soul in the midst of a storm," Alpha Holden.

A quote that came to me just at the right time. More things telling BDL to be open. After years and years of keeping my guard up, only to have it thrown in my face the first time I took it down. I'm gun-shy and stubborn as hell, and it's going to take a lot of time and patience for me to open my soul again. It won't open up for an impatient weakling, but someone who lovingly reveals my being, little by little.

Here are a few quotes that helped inspire this article:

1 Corinthians 13 1

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

"Let someone love you just the way you are. As flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broke out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room."

Ok, enough with the quotes! Had a beautiful walk with some friends earlier, and man, I miss my girls. They help keep me grounded when I want to run away. One day, I will run away, me and my hippie van with my animals, traveling the world & writing. You guys may think I'm crazy, and I'm pretty crazy. You don't even know the half of it, but it's my dream.

One of my guy friends called me out last night, knowing I was feeling the good vibes, reading and chilling with the three animals, happy in my room. OM snoring, the Satan Kitties purring. He told me I should be writing. Yessir. I hear you. Thanks for the support! I need to be put in check, clearly. I love it when people ask about my writing because they're interested & they're holding me accountable. Another trait I look for in a partner is someone who would hold me accountable in a kind way & will hear me when I try to hold them accountable.

Work was a bit crazy today, I love our patients, but I am ready to be in my work cave again!!! I just have to come to hole up in my home cave, blast my music, read, or write. Calm my mind, finally get my peace back in my own home, the front door flung open, animals roaming in and out. This is me, this is how I keep from being angry. I give an attitude when I feel like my peace is being disrupted. With anyone. I have to be able to calm my mind, or I'm an angry psycho. I dream of the day when I come home to a loving embrace after a long day & someone is just as excited to hear about my day as I am intrigued to hear about theirs.

People don't get it. Sometimes just people talking, going on and on, is like nails on a chalkboard, and I get anxious. It has nothing to do with any one person or the people this happens with; it's me needing to chill TF out. I can easily get overstimulated, so I need a person who can help be my calm. Why do y'all think I smoke so much?

What are little things that bother you and you know it shouldn't, but it does? What helps you get over it or get through it?

I Just Had THE Most Horrifying Experience IN MY LIFE

I had just gotten myself off, & cleaned my toy, but left it out because there was a possibility it might happen again for the fourth time tonight. I was mindlessly scrolling through FB cuz my clit needs a few minutes break when I saw what I thought was a cool Stoner FB group, so I clicked to join it, expecting hilarious memes & stoner tips......NOPE......

I pushed the button & it fucking VIDEO CALLED some random stranger smoking a joint!!! I heard it click but couldn't fucking hang up fast enough!!!! I pointed my phone to the ceiling and pressed that big red telephone as hard and fast as I could, sort of like how my toy was working! Omg!

I want to hear some of your most embarrassing stories!! Comment below!

Remember, the right people will make you feel safe & wanted. They will make you feel like the most beautiful creature on the planet, even if you have embarrassing toy stories, & they will laugh with you, & make you feel better when you get embarrassed. The right people won't make you feel inadequate or ingenuine. They will naturally bring out the best in you, as you do them. Find your perfect taco buddy & cherish them!

🖤💋💨